This is the story of Lola, the dog with a bounty of personality, infinite wisdom and that packs a mean lick.
She spins in circles when she hears the word treat, sees you making chicken (of course it’s for her, who else would it be for?), or you get out her puppy, er, small, furry human carrier.
Lola, the Justin Bieber of canines
I once showed her a video of herself, and she promptly began wagging her tail. Not only is she a human, but also she’s a narcissistic one at that.
Not exactly the neighborhood bully
I heard a story once from a friend who was watching her. My friend had just come back into my house after being out for a few hours, and Lola was eagerly awaiting my presence. Upon seeing my friend, she started barking incessantly, while hiding in a corner. It dawned on my friend to try and buy her friendship with meat. After giving Lola some roast beef, they became instant besties. If you’re interested in a guard dog, I don’t suggest terriers.
Tough as nails
Lola was hit by a car while crossing Fountain in West Hollywood on Halloween, and it was the worst day of all time for both of us. Magically, she had no broken bones, zero internal injuries, and leapt back to normal the very next day, ready to hike Runyon Canyon. She is just like the Cheerleader from “Heroes.”
Queen of Sheba
You have to carry an umbrella over her while she walks in the rain, and she would rather gouge out her eyes with splintered wooden spoons dipped in Tabasco sauce than set her precious paws in wet grass.
Not a Canine, a HUMAN
Lola loves people more than dogs. At the dog park, she sits with the people on the concrete benches while the other dogs run and act like, well, dogs.
I accidentally dropped Lola once while carrying her inside along with groceries, keys and general bag lady stuff. I apologized profusely with kisses and words, and she replied with a large sigh.
If you can dream it, you can do it
Lola loves sticks of all breeds. Why wouldn’t she? They provide hours of chewing and throwing fun. She also likes branches and small palm leaves that have fallen from the trees. She also likes large ones. After a particularly crazy wind storm the night before, Lola attempted to pick up a palm leaf that more than likely weighed more than she does. (In case you’re wondering, she is a muscular 15 pounds.)
Upon seeing her attempt this nearly impossible task, a neighbor said, “That’s too big for you,” causing Lola to turn, glare at the man, sigh deeply, and continue with the fruitless palm pick-up.
She will lick your face off. Seriously. She is insane with lickage. You’re risking the life of your toes if you dare wear sandals, flip flops or any genre of open-toed shoes.
One day after a long walk, a neighbor who had clearly just done the same thing, was on the sidewalk in front of his building, texting, not paying attention. He had shorts on, and I just knew I would need to keep my eyes on her. I tightened her leash and watched her like a hawk. As the manipulative little angel seemed to not care about his mere existence in this world, I let up a bit.
Right as we walked by the man, she stealthily turned her head, gave his leg a quick lick, and kept on trotting along as if nothing happened. I wasn’t even mad, in fact, never had I been more proud.
Since being welcomed into the Dreamentia laboratories in downtown Los Angeles, Lola has spent her days napping, keeping the staff company, munching on treats and protecting the offices from intruders with her fearsome bark. Always a fan of everything we do, she even pops her head in to add her two cents to all meetings. Known for her puppy-like demeanor and charming sense of adventure, Lola is happy to be here as our muse and avid protector.
All of these things amount to one thing: My wanna-be human/adorable little dog pal rules. She makes me happy, keeps me LOLing, and is always there to lick my face when I’m sad, give her my meat leftovers, or just because she feels like it.
I know what you’re thinking; I wish I were friends with this dog. Well, you can be, at least virtually. To view more of Lola’s thoughts, theories and concerns, follow her on Twitter at: LolaMiltonHall